curry anyone??

           Am I glad the fashion show is finally over…as u know,each batch is supposed to come up with a 30 minutes fashion show to potray different themes.The best show with the highest marks wins.
          Everything was so last minute.even up to the very last day,we were still rather unsure about certain rounds.we havent even practise the grand finale yet…well,we never practised on the actual stage.On the day of the fashion show,17th march. the seniors allowed us to practise only ONCE on the actual ramp at 7am in the morning(can u believe that?) So as un-ready as we are,we just tried the stage out..To my dismay and shock,the stage was damn slippery!!!and it was even more slippery with my heels on.to make things worst,in all the round im in,i would have to walk fast. FAST+SLIPPERY GROUND = DISASTER…So i was quite upset then that i could not walk properly(even my partner noticed that i couldnt walk properly)And I was even more upset when i saw all the seniors being sooo skinny and tall…me on the other hand-fat fat and short short…so not model material…
        But i guess God has always a way of speaking to me…The whole day i was feeling inferior about myself,and my partner wasnt helping by always correcting my foot work coz we can never walk in par(but we worked out our differences and i manage to bribe him with my white choc!)The whole night went out well,despite the fact that i made a few mistakes…hehe…but what was most important was i really enjoyed my time…enjoyed the rush of adrenaline as i change as fast as i can to my next outfit…the rush when the crowd went wild when u step out and make a pose…haha…And really thank God that our show ended in exactly 30 mins time.so no marks was being deducted..For all our hardwork,we came in 2nd.Then we also won the best mc title and also best female fresh face of the year-me…i was so shocked when my name was being announced..suddenly the whole world was spinning…is this how those pageant beauties felt when they were crown miss world??everyone around me came hugging me and congratulating me…
        Maybe God is using this way to remind me that i am pretty…and that i should never ever think less of myself coz by doing that i am only looking down on His creativity,in His creation…I have always tell myself that im not pretty enough or im FAT .Maybe He wants me to put a stop in all that…No matter how i look or how fat i am i will always be beautiful in God’s eyes..And that is what matters…
       that night i went back feeling soooo exhausted and yet happy…went back to celebrated gracie’s bday(love u gracie!!)…we manage played a prank on her with meng yee’s brilliant idea…she made a ‘fake’ cake out of flour and decorated it with condense milk and choc powder…it was damn fun to spat the cake on her face…and she didnt even retaliate or took revenge on us…too bad…i really hope she enjoyed her time despite the fact that her make up was all smuged…haha…

grace cutting her ‘real’ cake-chocolate fantasy fr cafe coffeday…yum yum…

the convention hall,where the fashion show was held

till then!

Song on laptop: Hollaback Girl(uncencored version) by Gwen Stefani

      Been rather busy lately…As u know we are having a medic week now and guess wat?Im taking part in the fashion show…I always knew that modelling is in my blood :P…just too bad im too short and im too chubby…our fashion show will be on this coming friday(17th March) and truthfully speaking,only a handful of us are actually ‘bersemangat’ for it…the rest all selamba only…we hardly get a practice where all the ‘models’ are present…
      Been walking since 4pm jnow til 9pm with my high heels and not to mention i wore heels in class as well…so my leg really aching now…bluek…and i always thought i had stamina with heels…haha…i guess not…the fashion show is divided into 5 parts-
    1)Spectrum of colour.
          Im In this part,where ill be dressed in a gaun,my partner in a tux
   2)Spectrum of region
           Costume fr all the different region in india,so they come with sarees and linga and punjabi suits.
  3)Spectrum of age
         Different era,cowboys,hippies and rockers.Ill be dressed as a hippie in this part
  4)Spectrum of country
        Different countries with its national custume…
5)Grand finale
       We all will be coming out in black clothes…i might want to wear a black saree coz i do not have any black dress here!

               i think the ideas are awesome but i really hope we can pull it off…We are hiring a choreographer but also dunno what we are paying him for…he comes late all the time and when he does come,all he does is talk and nothing much is done…So now practice is done without him…haha…he thought us how to catwalk…"move ur hips…walk slowly…sway ur hips!!!" oh gosh…and one day he was asking us to walk fast,and another minute he was asking us to walk slow…ugh…and he can actually say that we are all not potential models…well,for ur information mister,we are medical students,not in modelling school…0_o

             The bird flu has subsided in India so the mess has started serving chicken again today,man,its been a really long time since we actually ate chicken!!!So yea,i finally took my chicken today…yohoo!!!

           Im not feeling well lately…Its been 2 days.yesterday i was down with a cold and today im having a sorethroat…:( very painful!!Dont worry,ive been drinking loadsa water til i visit the toilet so frequently…huhuhu…

Til thennnn

music on laptop : Kirakuni by Cystal  Kay

          I finally went out for dinner last night with my friend after 2 weeks eating such awful food in the mess…And now with the bird flu alarm,the mess had stop serving chicken…Instead they replaced that with  mutton…God,the mutton is terrible!!!! 1st of all its so hard that it actually feel like u are eating stone…then the mutton they serve is mostly tendon and bones so u hardly get any meat out of it…And for goodness sake,u cant possibly eat mutton everyday….you’ll get high cholesterol!So i havent been taking any protein except the occasional fish during dinner…last night dinner was a retreat for me…:) :)I had mutton steak- Jager’s steak(mutton with brown sahne sauce and salad and fries) in Diesel Cafe(up til now its my favourite restaurant…)

Jager’s steak

I guess i really miss eating good food,last night dinner was simply the best i had in weeks!!yum yum…What shocked me most in was the fact that the restaurants were still serving chicken…even in such a renowed restaurant like hotel taj manjarun and diesel cafe…So last night i had to ask the waiter if the food contains egg or not…i think to him we all seem very choosy…huhuhuhu…i guess ppl here are just being indifferent about the bird flu issue in india and they just couldnt care less about it…Why do ppl have to wait for something BIG to  happen before taking action about it??
       I realize that most of the shop keepers here just cant take no for an answer…even when u told them that u are just looking around and when u do seem to find interest in their things,and when u say no,you dont want…they will be so aggitated by that answer…they will ask, ‘wat happen?’ and eventually insist that u buy somthing from their shop…hah…i noticed that u can also see this senario in malaysia- chow kit road and petaling street…u see means u must buy…Why cant they take no for an answer??dont we all have our own rights too???consumer rights for that matter…will it make such a difference that just one person dont want to buy what u are selling??oh well…
       But we do see this attitude in our ownselves as well…more in fact when we were little…Imagine this,a little girl goes shopping with her mum and she saw the most beautiful barbie doll and ask her mom if she could have it…and when her mum say no…she will whine and cry and scream and practically make a scene.she will not stop til her mum buys her that doll…another scenario: A teenage girl, has a date with a guy she likes from school and but knows here mum will never let her go out with guys ALONE but nevertheless,she tried asking her mom…wat u think the answer was? a big fat NO…but then again,she will sulk and whine and perharps rebel and still go out regardless of wat her mom said…If we cant take the answer no,then why even bother ask??that is the main cause of rebellion in today’s society esp amongst the little children(im old already mar)…Kids nowadays hardly listen to their parents…everything Is about them…They cant stand to hear no for an answer no nor do they like to be corrected..this is really wat happened to our today’s society…we have become so corrupted with foul words and  bad attitude,dishonest and unloyal…Its really sad isnt it???Any explaination for this?

Adriana’s love life unfolds~~~

        No more late night calls,no more smsing up til the middle of the night falling asleep  halfway through the sms,no more being missed or being loved,no more dates,no more arguements,no more making out after the argument but yet,the heart still yearn for that love that is lost…it still yearn to see him just for one minute,for just one second,for a moment…from a feeling of being wholesome to the feeling of lost and emptiness…All the pain when seeing or going somewhere familiar,a place where the vision of both of us walking hand in hand is so clear in the mind…All the tears cried knowing that the love once lost will never return…Yet there is something in the heart that is so sure that the love will never fade away,that one day,someday,somehow,that love gone will come back to me…

         It has been a year since my break-up with Raymond.Man,that one year has been hard…Sometimes i’m so strong and im so convinced that I have finnally forgotten him but sometimes im so weak i feel so sad that i lost him…i kept telling ppl around me that im a free person but who am i to kid…no matter how much i pretend im strong,no matter how much i pretend that ive forgotten him,its still so obvious that was still holding on to him..i cant stop talking bout him and i cant stop thinking bout him..everytime i saw him online,my heart would skip a beat..i would even wait for him online and i became accustom to going online at times when i knew he will be online too..i never stopped smsing him nor have i stopped emailed him…But things started getting painful as the months passed…i started to noticed that he smsed me less and he hardly reply my emails…i was getting scared that he would forget me..and he on the other hand gets annoyed at me so easily and that in returned made me angry…it was like a chain reaction where both of us became bitter at each other..it made me re-think of all the promises he made when we were still together,and it pangs me so much to see that now he is acting like a jerk towards me…all i wanted was to remain as friends,good friends…but i guess he saw through that…he saw my motives behind "staying in touch" he knew all along that i still loved him…
          On 12th february this year,a very good friend(no name enclosed) made me realize that maybe the only reason why he has been acting the way he is(as in getting annoyed at me so easily and  getting  mad at me all the time and somehow seem to avoid me) was because he was also trying to forget me. and that he is doing it with my very best interest in mind.This is excatly what my friend did to his ex gf when she left for aussie.It may hurt sometimes to see him treating me like that but he asked me to comfort my ownself and dont keep it in my heart..He made me realize that six years is a long time to wait…i may have the determination to wait but is all the waiting worth while?Can i say now that after 6 years,Raymond will come back to me??anything could happen in that span of six years…At least now all i have are the sweet memories we had together…And who knows,after that 6 years,both of us will lead happy separate lives…I guess,that is what i really want to see-he being happy.And Raymond would want the same thing if he truly loves me…
       From that day onward,it has made me see things in a different prepestive,it made me see things from his point of view…I guess,before this i made myself angry at him to forget him…but haha…that didnt work…And that isnt the right way..I guess i was always pulling the strings of his shirt,not letting him go…
       So from that day onwards,i truly let Raymond go…all i want now is to see Raymond happy in everything he does…And in 6 years time,im pretty sure that he will meet someone else…someone better than me i hope…It has been really hard to forget him but i guess now with all these in mind,forgetting him is easier..Ppl always say that the 1st love is always hardest to forget..now that ive tasted it and ive been tru it,i can only agree with that statement…haha
      I will never forget all the times i had with Raymond:) But there is no use reminiscing on it anymore..its like looking through an old photo album where it brings back sweet memories but we cant live in those times again..Funny that it takes me one whole year to finally realize all these!!

           Well,it has been a month since i made that commitment of not contacting Raymond and forgetting him…And so far im doing great!!I think to fully forget an ex,u must first fully understand the real meaning of letting go…the real meaning of being free…It may be hard to lose someone so dear but then again,it hurts even more holding on to him/her when u get nothing back in return…Ive learn from my mistakes and hopefully i wont make the same mistakes again in the my future relationships..

Ways to forget him:
1) stop contacting each other for a period of time
2) do not listen to any advice from friends that have never been through break ups before
3) If i do contact each other,do not talk about ur family,friends or anything that will trigger ur feelings for him..
4) if he starts avoiding you,dont feel bad,its a sign u should stay away from him
5) STOP BEING JEALOUS IF HE STARTS TALKING BOUT OTHER GIRLS
6) STOP MAKING HIM JEALOUS BY TALKING BOUT OTHER GUYS
7) If u suddenly miss him,go have a chat with your girlfriend about the latest fashion or anything that does not involves him
start a hobby to keep yourself busy
9) Stop talking bout him…you will never move on and you will bore ur friends too…

So now i can say with all my heart that im a free girl now…But no,i dont want to start in any realtionship yet…i guess,its not time yet,considering the fact that a big part of my heart has been ripped apart..Im still praying that the right guy will come my way and sweep my feet away…haha…and when that time comes,ill be ready to give my heart away again…

Butterfly  (by Mariah Carey)

When you love someone so deeply
They become your life
Its easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly i imagined i could
Keep you under glass
Now i understand to hold you
I must open my hands
And watch you rise

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wing and fly
Butterfly

I have learned that beauty
Has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled
Or their spirits die
You have given me the courage
To be all that I am
and truly feel your heart will
Lead you back to me when you’re
ready to land

I cant pretend these tears
Arent over flowing steadily
I cant pretend these hurt
from almost overtaking me
But i will stand and say goodbye
For you’ll never be mine
Until you know the way it feels to fly

So spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly we meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

song on laptop: Catch Your Wave by Click Five

           Have you ever gave up on something and theres this  something in your head that just tells you that you cant go on?Have you ever thought to yourself that you are not good enough and that most things are out of you league,for example getting distinction in your exams???Truthfully,i feel that most of the time,especially in this ever so competitive world..everybody seems to be way ahead of me and im left behind trying to catch up…many of times i just feel like quiting and find the easier way out…But is there really is an easier way out??Does by running away from hardship actually solves everything?Well,by running away it does get rid of all the problems,but not for long before it start lurking back into your life again…But its tru all these hardship,it will make u a stronger and better person…its tru hardship where you learn the true meaning of life,you will see what really matters most in your life and also know who is your true frens…
        Its written in the bible that if you have faith the size of a mustard seed,you can move mountains…do you know how small a mustard seed is??Gosh,it is even smaller than the kuaci seed we have…You know,sometimes this verse seems hard to believe…or is it because,we lack faith so much so that we dont even believe in this verse??i think that is the case…I always believe that with faith,anything is possible..even moving mountains..Then why is it i worry so much bout what tommorrow brings??why is it i feel so insecure about myself??Why is it i need comfort from other ppl to tell me that everything will be fine even deep down i know that nothing will happen…Why is it that even after praying we still worry?..Isn’t having faith means leaving everything into God’s hands??faith by definition(fr english oxford dictianory) is complete trust and confidence..Hard it may seem but with just a little faith,the impossible can be done…Imagine what can we achieve if we have more faith???WOW!!
        Everything is in the mind…If we tell ourselves that we cant do it then you really cant…after all,isnt the mind the center of everything??It controls all thoughts and actions..By giving little curses on ourselves then you are really what you said…my roomate always scoldes me everytime i tell her that i am fat…she kept telling me that the more i say i am fat,the fatter i will become…haha…
       So i guess now,we should have more faith in our lives.stop worrying too much…And truly your mountains will be moved…

"I can do everything through God who gives me strenght" Philippians 4:13
      

ps- manifestation of faith…remember my exams,i said i did very badly for it and i thought that i will fail my biochem??Well guess what?my prayers has been heard and He was gracious to me.And also with the faith i had…

my marks
Anatomy- 74/110
Physiology- 74/110
Biochem- 73/110

the lecturer who took my biochem viva actually failed me for my viva- 8/20…but thank god my other marks are enough to compensate that.PHEW!!